A radical return to you - how a HOBBY could change everything
There are three distinct times in my life where I’ve been hit with questioning thoughts of my place in the world. The first was entering the workforce, claiming my first real job. The possibilities seemed overwhelming but exciting all the same. Who would I be? What would I do? I approached this all with a fairly daredevil attitude that Indiana Jones would have been proud of. Then there came the Big Switch. I had been with a company for just over 10 years, during which time I had tied my identity to it so completely that I was brought to my knees when I left it. Third, well, this was the biggest shift of all and a true ‘life quake’. It was entering into motherhood. How I had viewed myself, my identity,my goals, dreams and aspirations changed in an instant. What was more, that daredevil attitude had left the building. I was scared and adrift. I couldn’t remember who I was, or strangely even what I enjoyed… Not to worry, there wasn’t too much time to think about how I wanted to spend my spare time. It was a flurry of feeding through the night, of not knowing day from night and leaving the house was a military operation that left no room for dreaming. Even the return to work was a tornado of scheduling, guilt, confusion and still a tsunami of love and laughter. During all of this though there was a niggle. Who was I now? Was a just mum? How did that fit at work? I was distracted and if I am honest, a little sad with extreme guilt. How could I be sad when I had everything that I had dreamt of?
I was not alone in these conflicting and confusing thoughts and feelings. You see when we shift in our lives, which we do multiple times, often reinventing ourselves in ways that Madonna would approve however we often don’t notice it’s happened. When we do this, I believe that we lose ourselves a little each time. We morph into shapes that we believe that those around us would approve of. We drop our authenticity a drop at a time, unconsciously but nonetheless, leave droplets of authenticy in our wake. Then one day, we find that we are asking who we are, how we got here and where the hell is the purpose gone. It’s like waking up in a room and the lights are off!
Where did the purpose go? How do we get it back? Is this what a midlife crisis is?? Is this the time for drastic change? Often we feel it is and it can set in motion events we later regret. So, how do we navigate our lives as we try to clutch back the purpose? Well, for me, it was understanding that it doesn’t mean huge, crazy reinventions. It was a slow but determined process in getting acquainted with myself. There is no quick fix but that is the good news in this. The journey truly is the fun part if you know how to navigate it.
Start by working out what it is that you like, that you dislike. What would you do if there were no limitations (trust me you may feel that this would open up to a tonne of unrealistic dreams and goals, but it doesn’t… our intuition is a calming and steady rudder). Take yourself on dates - even if it feels a little odd. Remember the things that would light a spark within you when you were a child. Then try one. Make sure it means something to you and that it challenges you a little. Purpose isn’t a job or a role. No, it is much finer than that. It is creativity and can only be found with a calm nervous system! For me, I have explored the creative arts - they are things that have always called to me. Writing has always been an outlet for me. I went on an exploration through paint, canvas, knitting and landed with scent. I found a space to explore my mind through wax, oil and storytelling through that wonderful sense of smell. I love to conjure up distant memories, long past. To time travel and now to delight my eyes with colour.
If you are on the hunt, there are some rules. Find something that calls and speaks to you. Where you can lose yourself. That connects in a way which words fail to communicate. How do you find it? Well, I did through meditation, journaling and even walking in nature. Then it was trial and error. Knowing that it can just be a hobby - you don’t have to make money or a career from it - in fact it’s better if you don’t as then it remains yours. Slowly, you will hopefully find as I did that there is a return to you. It doesn’t need to always be creation. It can be through reading, discovery… You will have the answers, you just need to give yourself the time to look within.
I would love to hear if there is something waiting to be explored for you!